As much as I would love to say that in my low moments, singing 'It is well with my soul' until I am blue in the face works... in my experience, I often need to do some steps before that, and not rely on praise alone.
I have knowingly battled with anxiety and depression on and off for two and a half years, and during that time I have found some ways of quietening the storm. A friend recently shared her own struggles with anxiety and depression publically, and as I began writing her a private message to explain how I manage my anxiety and depression, I realised that instead of keeping it private, I could do my bit to continue reducing the stigma around mental health by sharing it here instead.
Mental health charity campaigns have done amazing work at educating and raising awareness of mental health issues. Campaigns often include celebrity's choosing to courageously share their experiences which are breaking down taboos and shame around mental health. Statistics reveal that the majority of people will struggle with some form of mental health within their lifetime. In being quite open about struggles with my mental health with friends, I have gained support, tried to provide a deeper understanding of mental health, as well as encourage others to feel able to share their experiences too. In writing this I am taking it a step further.
I know from experience, that when I am feeling low, tired or anxious, it becomes difficult to love myself well or look after myself properly. I have had incredible people in my life that have supported me, and I could not be more thankful for the grace and compassion I have been shown from some people despite them not having first-hand understanding, which shows how culture is changing, but sadly that has not always been my experience.
I have been incredibly fortunate to have a weekly session with a counsellor for a year now, which has provided a space for me to process, reflect and work through some of the negative thought patterns and lies I have been believing, as well as some experiences I have had. I would strongly advise that if anyone is struggling with their mental health to seek counselling as soon as possible. It has literally changed my life, and despite having seen massive changes since doing it, I am still nowhere near close to wanting to stop anytime soon. It has been amazing on days I've struggled to reflect back and recognise how counselling has altered how I process and manage situations now. It helps to give me hope throughout the week that no matter how the week has gone so far I have someone I can be honest with and process it.
Alongside community and counselling, I also knew that in order for me to care for myself day to day I would have to learn ways to do some maintenance work myself to look after my mental health. Just like we try to get the recommended 7-9 hours sleep and eat a nutrient-rich balanced diet to look after our physical health, I have learnt ways to take responsibility for looking after my mental health as best as I can. My counsellor encouraged me to write a long list of activities that bring me joy and ways that I can look after myself to love myself well. It included a wide variety of things, some of which I am going to share below and are my list of go to's if I am feeling low for circumstantial/hormonal reasons.
I want to preface this list by saying that I by no means do all of these on a weekly basis, and sometimes I do still struggle with feeling low even after completing some of these things. On those days I have to give myself a lot of grace. However, since embedding some of these things daily/weekly/fortnightly into my life, I have seen such a difference and (aside from recently due to stressful deadlines), I have struggled so much less. I definitely do not want to portray that I am ‘all sorted’ (whatever that means), as my mental health is something that I work on and look after on a daily basis whether I am feeling low at that moment or not.
This is my list of practical ways I look after my mental health:
Get out of your bed and go and see your housemate or sibling or parent or anyone! Being by yourself all day locked away in your bedroom in my experience is a recipe for disaster!
Find a peaceful place. A place which is quiet and beautiful, for me at home it is the Common up my road. Take time to appreciate nature and be thankful for what you see. Even showing a very small amount of gratitude and thankfulness helps to focus on the positives! The positives often start small and can be forced to begin with, but the more I do it the more thankful I become as it changes my perspective.
Create a playlist of happy songs that just can’t help but make you smile and want to dance. I have a dance in my kitchen or in the shower most mornings and it really helps to lift my spirits!
Try to have three meals a day, even if they are tiny weeny ones! For me, eating is often one of the first things I stop doing or forget to do. Keep reminders on your phone and eat something even if all you can manage is something small.
Keep hydrated. I make myself a new drink every time I finish one so there is one ready to go.
Make sure you go outside and get some fresh air even if it is only a walk around the block.
Work away from home. If you are working from home go and work in a coffee shop or local library or work with a close friend at their house. Any company is better than none.
Know what activities bring you joy- for me this includes taking photographs, going on a walk, cooking, going away for the weekend, dancing, reading, being creative with friends, quality time with my family, and having a weekly date night with friends that bring me joy.
But what if I have woken up and am feeling low? These are tools I use to move out of a negative place when I am struggling:
If I wake up feeling anxious and would prefer to stay in bed and hide, I will coach myself through the process. I will think through step by step what I need to do to get myself up, washed, dressed and out of the door. It can be as simple as what would you tell your best friend to do if they were you...maybe "get out of bed and go and have a shower...why don't you put on some music whilst you shower and enjoy singing and dancing to it". I will take myself through the process step by step and try to make it as enjoyable as possible. Such as having a shower with some music on and if it is in the evening and suggest that they invite over a friend and cook dinner with them.
Have at least a few close friends in your life that you can message whatever the situation. You aren't burdening them, so tell that message in your brain to be quiet. Message them if you are having a low/hard day and they will often offer to meet up or FaceTime that night or that week at some point which is something to look forward to and give some hope. I purposefully have a collection of people I am completely honest with so that I am not placing emotional responsibility or expectations only a few people, but ideally, three at least is great!
Go and treat yourself! Buy yourself some flowers, have a bath with bath bombs, paint your nails, go and have a wax etc...do something that makes you feel more like you again. Buy yourself a food treat to give you a reward for the end of each day! Boys you can absolutely buy yourself some flowers, and enjoy a bath bomb too!
If you are struggling to do day to day tasks, FaceTime or call someone whilst doing chores. For example food shopping, clothes washing, etc so that you have extra motivation, support and accountability to actually do them.
My number one piece of advice to actually start processing what it is that is causing the anxiety and depression that day though is to journal. Because I am a Christian I write my thoughts and prayers down to my loving Father God. But even if you are not, I would recommend writing down to yourself:
1. Practise mindfulness- Write down what you can hear, smell, feel. Write down how your body feels, whether you feel tense in any areas or your chest is tight. Then write how you are feeling emotionally, initial fears or pressures to get them onto paper and out of your system for the moment.
2. Reflect on something that brings hope. For me, that is often reading some of the book of Psalms in the Bible, or listening to a worship song I love and reflecting on the meaning behind the words. But that could be changed to reflecting on a quote that inspires you, or listening to a song that you connect with that brings hope.
3. Write what you are thankful for. I thank God for who He is and remind myself of what is true about God that brings me hope. I also write what specifically I am thankful for Him doing in my life recently.
4. Then analyse the day and check in with yourself, whether that is the day you've just had or the day before. I ask myself what could I have done differently if I had the day over again? I ask God to forgive me for anything I am aware of doing wrong and ask God to help me to navigate those situations differently next time so that I am operating out of His strength not my own.
5. I ask God for things specifically. I pray for my friends and family and situations going on for them, and then I pray for myself and bring any worries back to Him, and ask God to help me remain peaceful and keep trusting in Him.
6. Ask Father God to speak to you and take time to listen to what He says. I often hear Him speak through worship songs or while I am praying about something specific on when I'm on a walk, so sometimes I will go on a walk for the last bit.
I am still learning about myself and how to manage my mental health daily, but this so far is what I know helps me personally. I know how overwhelmed and helpless I have felt during at various points, so my prayer is that some of the things I share that help me, might be able to benefit others personally or give them some ideas to support friends/family members.